I got the Oberlin scholarship, $12,000/year. Caltech actually offered me $3,000/year in grants, crazily, since my expected family contribution is sky high. I didn't get the Chicago scholarship, so I guess I'm not visiting Chicago this weekend. I'm going to MIT next week. At this point, MIT is where I'm going. Unless I hate it, I'm MIT-bound as of today.
I'm excited. I was looking at the MIT website. I'm excited to learn about math and physics and cognitive science and to live in Boston. I'm really worried that I won't be smart enough. I'm worried everyone else will be a genius, and I'll just be plain old me. I'm worried I'll collapse under the course work. I'm worried I'll decide after a year and a half that I want to major in English or something they don't have a stellar program for at MIT. I'm worried that I'll feel extremely isolated and have a mental breakdown because I'll be all the way across the country. I'm worried I won't make any friends or something.
But I'm lucky. I'm extremely lucky this has worked out, because I didn't believe it was possible for a long time. I kept dreaming, and the naive part of me began to believe, but the practical part of me was never convinced. Now, because my grandfather shifted some money around (some meaning $50,000), we can pay for it. I'm going to Boston.
So... here's to a future, I guess. I'm excited, but right now I'm more terrified. I oscillate. Apparently my friends do as well, though. It's a common malady for us.
On a different note, I finished reading The Catcher in the Rye for the third time, and this time I am definitely sure of what I sort of thought the first few times. I really think the book is about child abuse, specifically sexual abuse. I'm not just pulling that out of nowhere. We talked about it today in English, and I defended my position, and it really is plausible. Holden is so focused on protecting kids from people that he thinks will violate or hurt them. He's pretty asexual. When his teacher pats him on the head, he violently reacts with anger, and then he begins to make up excuses for the teacher. He says that sort of thing has happened before. He's desperately trying to protect his innocent, Platonic relationship with Jane. It really does all add up.
That book bothers me so much. I don't know why. It just really throws me off every time I read it, which to me is the biggest indication to me that it's about sexual abuse. I just have such a visceral reaction to it. It really, really hurts me in a way.
Well I still have a lot of homework to do. I guess some schools are actually going to check my second semester grades, including, I think, MIT.
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5 comments:
Yes, I think I know what poster you are getting from me to tack to your dorm room wall. I'm so happy for you Lindsay!!!!!
That's easy to say, when you're going to MIT.
Awesome! Now I will really get the chance to show you how much NYC pwns Boston this fall! ;)
"I'm really worried that I won't be smart enough. I'm worried everyone else will be a genius, and I'll just be plain old me. I'm worried I'll collapse under the course work."
I've actually been wondering this same thing about grad school this fall. I mean yeah, I got into early admission (as did you if I'm not mistaken). Yeah, I think the program is a good fit for me and everything, but there are other people that went through the same rigorous application process who also got in. So I think we all wonder whether we're going to cut it when we're entering an intense program at a really good school. And I think the more we realize that everyone is probably thinking the same thing, the more prepared we are for it.
I mean, I thought the same thing when I was starting my AmeriCorps term last summer, and it's turned out way better than I ever could have imagined (with something like 7 job offers from the different agencies I've worked with in Helena over the last 8 1/2 months). Now that my service term is almost over it's insane to think of everything I've managed to do in AmeriCorps.
So I think we're all scared when we're entering something new and intense. I've been wondering how well I'll do in grad school this fall. It's okay to admit that we're scared; we just shouldn't let that stop us from doing it. :)
shea, scared? never ;)
but she's right. you did get into MIT for a reason, and you can make it whatever you want once you're there. and if you decide it's not what you want, then you can always change direction.
congratulations :)
Read Salinger's other works.
Start with Franny and Zooey- and move on from there.
MIT's good because you can take classes at Harvard as well (which isn't too far away) I know people who are thriving there.
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