independence (tastes so good)

I survived the week. I exhausted my money on energy drinks. I used up all of my decaf chai. But I'm alive. AP language was cancelled thursday night so I got some sleep. Last night I was so tired, I fell asleep immediately.

I went to Great Falls with Erin today for testimony meeting at seminary conference and then just to hang out. The drive up was nice; it's really pretty in the spring time, especially when you cross over the Missouri river at the place the railroad goes over as well. It always awes me every time, how beautiful the world can be no matter how many horrible things go on in it.

The testimony meeting was good. We went to Wheat Montana after and I had a smoothie, half a sandwich, and part of a cinnamon roll. Progress. I figured I ran five miles yesterday and two today; I can splurge. It tasted so good. Life tasted so good. Although we got extremely lost because neither of us has a sense of direction (we wandered around Great Falls for a long while, wasting gas and time, but having fun), I felt a real sense of independence. It was my first road trip with a friend all alone.

We made plans for this summer. We're going to go to Canada with some other friends. We're going to go to Glacier just us. We're going backpacking (I insist!) and bikeriding and skinnydipping. Life... one last summer...

Oh man I will miss them.

We went to Promonition (I spent a lot of money today- $40- which was bad, but it was worth it I guess). It made me sad that they can apparently now say the F-word in a PG movie, but it was a good movie. It was very sad. It said a lot about faith. I have faith. I have faith in the existence of meaning in a chaotic world. I have faith that somehow I will be alright next year. I do believe in it. I believe in things.

Back home I went to Patrick's house for a little while to meditate, since lately a lot of things have been cluttering my mind. It was a really interesting experience. Patrick kind of talked to me while I tried to escape my body into a more universal network. I think it worked somewhat. I felt a lot more relaxed and connected after words.

I have a testimony in springtime, in the buds pushing out of the roughness of the trees. I have a testimony in friendship, and in love, both friendly love and romantic love. I have a belief in the possibility of rebirth. I like to think of myself as a phoenix. Maybe it comes from the bipolar. I crash again and again. But somehow, I am always reborn from the ashes.