Sorry

Yes, I realize I'm not updating consistently.
Yes, I realize I don't respond to your emails or your phonecalls.
Yes, I realize it makes it seem like I don't care, like I am abandoning you, like I am angry at you, like I am being selfish, like I'm pushing you away.

I do care; I'm not abandoning you; I'm not angry at you; I am being selfish; I am pushing you away.

I'm not sure why I'm pushing away. It feels like a reflexive action, but I'm not sure what it's in response to. I guess I've convinced myself that nobody cares, and all of your phone calls and emails and IM's somehow glance off of me, because I've told myself you're not real.

I'm sorry. I feel very alone and I have no right to feel alone. I've taken my problem and imposed it onto you. It's not your problem. It's mine. Please, bear with me. Please, don't give up on me. I realize I've given you no reason to care or bear with me or not give up, but I'm still here. I'm still in me. I'm still here.

Sorry.