I've dragged out my math book from last year and my tests. Looking at some of these tests, I can't even remember ever knowing a few of these things. Sometimes it's like I've never seen a calculus problem before, rather than having taken two years of calculus. This happened to me last year, though, and it came back really quickly, so I know I'll be okay. The problem with college classes is that they're staggered. Last year first semester was calculus, second semester was discrete math and linear algebra. This year, first semester is calculus (multivariable) and second semester is linear algebra and discrete math (2). Why can't they go together? Why can't I take two semesters of calculus in a row or two semesters of DDS/linear algebra? Why must the educational system enact such a tyranny over the world?

Today wasn't so good. My gel at work didn't work (not my fault though). Then I just felt so anxious and panicky at home. Every time there was any thunder I would jump a foot in the air and think someone was at the door trying to kill me. I finally got out of the house to go running barefoot in the rain and hail, which was nice. But I was definitely panicked even while I was running. It's this feeling like all of your insides are a rubber band stretched to snapping point and you're trying to stretch it a little more. I hate anxiety attacks and panic attacks. Maybe even more than bipolar and OCD.
Apparently I was addicted to xanax or something because when I stopped it (to use only in the case of panic/anxiety attacks rather then every night, because my other meds help with panic/anxiety too) I couldn't sleep anymore. I have gotten only a few hours of sleep these past few nights. It's going to be miserable trying to come off of this xanax. I decided to take it these next few days though. Then I'll worry about it.

I'm going to Tacoma with Morgan and Shea and will be back Saturday night very late or Sunday very early. Then I have one last day of freedom before I have to walk back into calculus land. It's a good thing we're starting with calculus and not DDS/linear algebra, because I don't know if I'd have enough motivation to review DDS/linear algebra. They were way harder for me than calculus.

I can't believe half my friends are leaving for college. It doesn't feel real to me yet. It seems impossible. It's going to be a big shock. It'll be hard leaving Morgan in Tacoma, very hard. I will miss her a lot. I hate leaving people. Probably because I hate being left.

Empathy. Love. I'm still convinced that no matter what those are the best philosophies.