New Years Resolutions

I have copied in last year's resolutions so I can first see if I've accomplished anything this year. After that I'll address this years.
Written last year: (December 2005)
What is most important is goals. Nothing is perfect in life but the possibility of transcending. I make these every year and I never seem to fulfill them, which leaves me feeling guilty. But their existance remains a constant reminder that something better is in fact possible, and that I don't have to live as a blur in the night.

1. I am good at debate. Not because I win, or do well, or anything, but because I am confident and love debating and can survive any sort of 'failure.' I have a safety net and can cope with all situations. Because of this I always do my best because I am not afraid of being free.
Have I accomplished this? I think so. I believe I am good at debate, whether I do well or not. I have become confident this year, these past few tournaments. I kept debating even when I wanted to quit because I believed I was a huge failure. I haven't cut over debate at all. I'm starting to do my best.
2. I don't think I'm fat. I don't throw up, don't buy laxatives at Wal Mart at the self-checkout counter, don't hate food, don't cry, don't over-exercise or under-exercise. I maintain a weight I am happy with.
I still think I'm fat, but I haven't OD'd once this year (aka I haven't thrown up) that I can remember. I haven't bought any laxatives in a few months. I certainly haven't overexercised... I'm probably underexcercising. I maintained a weight I was happy with (110) until September. Now I'm not happy with my weight, but I'm trying to deal with it in a healthy way.
3. I don't hurt myself. I may feel like I want to sometimes but I always call someone or run or throw ice cubes or draw until the emotion seeps out of me and not the blood. I have learned how to live without pain.
I have only cut twice in seven months (since I cut my wrist). Before that, I was cutting very infrequently. I have learned to call people. I still haven't entirely learned to live without pain, but I'm doing much better than a year ago.
4. I am happy. This doesn't mean nothing ever goes wrong. It means I am okay with nothing being inherently wrong in my life. I am okay with being emotionally healthy and I know how to remain healthy without slowly decaying.
I have been intermittently happy this year. Lately I haven't been because I haven't been taking my meds the way I should (I really need some angel to make me take them twice a day). But I am learning to be okay without being sick. I haven't really been slowly decaying. I've had a few minor breakdowns, but nothing terrible besides the cut wrist.
5. I know how to love without hurting myself. I know the balance between taking a risk and preserving my sanity. I know how to love with all my heart without fearing the heartache that love could possibly bring me. I trust people and am open to them completely, and because I trust them I am not afraid that they will hurt me. If they ever do hurt me it doesn't matter; it was worth it for love.
I do believe I have learned how to love this year. That's one thing I think I've definitely accomplished. I believe it's worth it to love even if it hurts. I have opened myself up completely to the people I love, specifically Josh. I love Josh, but I don't let him hurt me at all anymore. I have learned.
6. I am not separated from everyone else by a mental screen. I don't start talking about astrophysics or psychology to my friends unless they are friends that are interested in that. I actually participate in coversations instead of floating somewhere around Pluto. I do more on the weekends than just read and do homework. When my friends call me to do something, I actually do it. When I am depressed I call someone and say we should watch a movie or something.
This one is a bit more difficult as I am convinced that sometimes it is sewn into my very personality. I have gotten better at choosing friends that think they way I do. I have been more openly myself with those friends. I have been doing a lot with my friends on the weekends. I have attempted to make contact with people when depressed. I'm getting somewhat better. But somedays I don't think I'm getting better at all, so I don't know.
7. I tell people when I'm not okay. I don't just let it build and then silently implode, or as the case has been lately, burden the people I trust with burdens they don't deserve. I am able to take care of myself, and that involves allowing myself to appear "weak," because in getting myself help I am not really admitting to weakness, but rather to strength.
I have gotten much better at this. I have been trying to talk to people when I don't feel well. This blog has helped a lot, because several of my friends read it, and I try to be really honest on here. I don't believe asking for help is weak anymore. I do believe it's the strong action.
8. I never take other people's medications or overdose on mine because I respect my body and my mind too much to polute it.
I have, I am fairly certain, done very well at this one except for that one day when I took xanax in the morning and ran into the mailbox. Other than that, I don't think I've abused drugs in any way. In fact, at the moment I should take more of them.
9. I am not afraid of the pain that can accompany taking risks. I am afraid of the numbness that can accompany stagnancy.
I'm still working on this one, but I believe I've made progress.

1. Go 4-1 consistently in debate
I have gone 4-1 at three out of the four past tournaments.
2. Exercise daily, but not too much
I haven't been exercising... :-( at least not very often.
3. Lose five pounds
I've gained five pounds... but I love myself anyway!
4. Get a 33 or 34 on my ACT's and something (I can't remember) on my SAT's
I got a 33 and a 2240, both adequate scores.
5. Get into the MIT summer camp
Didn't get in...
6. Apply to several colleges including MIT, Caltech, and BYU
I have applied to six colleges and gotten into three so far!
7. Get into those colleges
See above
8. Make varsity tennis, and if I don't be the best at JV, make those stupid coaches know my name (STOP LOSING ALL ABILITY AROUND PEERS)
I sort of did this for a while, but then failed. But I think that quitting was the hard choice for me, and the right one, no matter how much I hate quitting.
9. Start practicing violin/cello/piano enough that they don't collect dust in between lessons
I definitely have failed this goal :-(
10. Donate to charity
I still need to do this as well.

All in all, I'm pretty happy with the progress I've made in the past year. I really do believe I have made progress in most areas of my life.

And here they are, the 2007 Resolutions:
1. Break to sems at state and win five debates at NFL's
2. Stay close to Josh, and open with him.
3. Stay in touch with my friends when I go to college.
4. Don't drink one drop of alcohol or coffee, don't abuse drugs in any way (that includes laxatives, caffeine pills, diet pills, OD's, self-medicating etc), don't smoke anything (although I certainly never plan on that ever).
5. Be happy consistently.
6. Be outgoing and friendly (especially the first few days of college)
7. Don't live for grades or anything. Stop conforming to the American chaotic culture. Don't stress myself out to badly or overwork myself at all. Know when to say NO. Don't get overinvolved.
8. Don't watch any movies compromising my standards.
9. Be a valadictorian (I will know about this in three weeks, but it will still be next year).
10. Start exercising regularly.
11. Stop sleeping through seminary (I don't care how I have to do it, I really need to stop sleeping through that class!)
12. Put more effort into my hair, face, clothes on a daily basis
13. Get to know people I would otherwise regret not getting to know before I left.
14. Not be too nostalgic/moody/homesick my first few weeks of college.

IT'S 2007, BABY!!! This is the year I graduate from high school!!!! This is the year everything changes! This is the first year of my life I live alone!!!
I'm going to make it the best year yet.