*still shaking fist at College Board, but more happily now*

At the risk of opening myself up to a few "I-told-you-so's"...

MIT undergrad statistics: (from www.mit.edu)

Acceptance rate= about 13-14% (And I think everyone that applies has either a 4.0 gpa or close, and high SAT's... so it takes something extra)
Middle 50% score range of admitted students:

SAT I Verbal		[690, 770]
SAT I Math		[740, 800]
ACT Composite		[31, 34]
SAT II Math		[740, 800]
SAT II Science		[710, 790]
SAT II Humanities		[700, 780]

So... my SAT scores came back, and I got a 770 on the SAT II Math and a 760 on the SAT II Science (biology), and a 670 on the SAT II Humanities (US history).
So I have to drop the history score and take reading in the fall, which I'm sure I can get at least a 750 on, and which I should have taken in the first place... And I have to take the SAT's this weekend and get over a 1500 preferrably, and I need to take the ACT's in two weeks and get a 34 or above preferrably (as opposed to my current 32) (which I can if I raise my math score by at least two points). I think those things are possible.
And...

MY SAT II MATH AND BIOLOGY SCORES ARE HIGH ENOUGH FOR MIT!!!! I felt so bad about those tests, and I was so nervous about the scores... I thought there was no way I scored high enough. I could always retake the math, but retaking the bio wasn't really an option, so I only had one chance. (Dropping the history and taking the reading is not going to be a problem.) And I did it!!!

My bio score bodes well for my AP bio test, but it must be noted that my low history score does not bode well for my AP US history test. Oh well, no use in worrying until the middle of July (when AP scores come).

All of this means my grades and test scores are high enough to get into MIT, Caltech, etc. But... so are everyone else's that applies, I think. It's going to take more. I've got the leadership as down as I'm going to get it... I'm church class president (soon) and key club vice president. I have the out of school activities (I'm going to be very successful at debate I hope this year, and I play all of the string instruments and piano and have been in the city symphony). I have the service (I'm in National Honors Society and I volunteer weekly at the Humane Society). I have the phony prestige (National Honor Roll).

What matters the most is whether my father can get his stupid hospital to let me work in his genetics lab this summer. I honestly believe that will make the difference. I suppose if they won't let me work in the lab I can do paperwork and research papers and get something published, but that's not as exciting as actually doing the PCR and running the gels. I think that if I do that this summer, I actually have a good chance of getting in.

But I can't get my hopes up!

One more bit of good news before I sink back into depression: this past week my eating has gone really well. I haven't binged or purged, I've eaten a reasonable amount, and I've been steady at 109 pounds. Which I guess I can live with. I've felt pretty good about eating too. I think for some crazy reason I feel more in control of my life now... No, don't try it at home, cutting your wrist probably does not generally aid people in beating eating disorders. But it has helped me a lot. I'm starting to believe that maybe, with a lot of work, I can live without all of these horrible aspects of bulimia.

Finally, Josh left two messages on my cellphone. He called during money management actually, and I didn't know my phone was on, so I had to sprawl all over my backpack and talk loudly to keep Mrs. Chamberlin from noticing when it rang.
He read two poems to me. Just the sound of his voice was enough to melt every single resolve in me to not come running straight back into the relationship we had. Him reading the poems was more than enough. Also, I got our prom pictures today, and we look really good, and I remember how happy I was that night, and the night before... (I WILL post pictures soon, I promise).
I don't know if I can do this.