Things have been busy. I wish I didn't feel like I had to be busy.
I'm just going to talk about my classes, since that's what's dominating my thoughts. First, I am very frustrated with chem 2. Mr. Shenkle keeps talking about how scientifically advanced my school is, but after a year of chemistry I still feel clueles. In biology 2 I knew I could do okay on the AP test. In chemistry, I know it would be idiotic to take the AP test, although we should technically be able to.
Government is interesting. I really like government. I really like thinking about different structures and politics and all of that. But my teacher makes me feel anxious. She jumps all over. I get really confused.
I don't feel like I'm learning anything in physics either. It's fun to make model rockets, but what does it mean? I hope I am not the only one frustrated with fun classes because I don't learn.

Creative writing and English are the classes that are really interesting me. I haven't had a good English teacher since 9th grade, and Mr. Proctor and Mr. Pogreba are definitely the best English teachers I've had in my life. My problem in creative writing is that I can't seem to write about anything but child abuse, in every form. We are writing short short stories, and even when I specifically tell myself I will not allude to child abuse in any way, something leaks in. Even if the allusions are things no one but me will ever notice, it bothers me. I get angry with myself and my books. They always turn into child abuse/mental illness chronologies. I want to write something different, happy. I just feel like I'm not qualified to write about anything else.

Mr. Pogreba told us that he would spend the first eight months of school teaching us English, and then we'd spend the last month unlearning everything he taught us so we could take the AP test. I'm glad Mr. Pogreba realizes (unlike my history teacher last year) that the AP test, and preparing for it, is entirely useless.

I wanted to write a book for my senior project, a book with an organized, fluid plot, in which my voice is consistent (in other words, a book that doesn't have the problems my previous books have had). I wanted to write every day, a fantasy book about the meaning of heroism. But then I sat in the senior project meeting today and I realized that colleges would be much more impressed with me if I did my genetics lab project for my senior project. So now I'm doing that. But I really don't want to. I'd much rather write a book. I hate that colleges are dictating everything I do right now. I want to enjoy myself this year. It's about more than next year. It's about now.