anger

Lately I've been feeling so angry and I don't understand why... it's this tangible sea flinging itself occasionally up inside of me and it scares the crap out of me. Do I hate my mom? No. I'm still sort of mad at her for hitting me and stuff all those years. But more than that, I'm scared of turning out just like her. Sometimes when I'm mad at my mom or my dog or my cousin I feel that rage bubbling, and I wonder, could I do it, hit someone, hurt someone? I usually just feel the urge to hurt myself (like right now, I'm fighting it), but maybe someday that will change... I just don't know. It's a big thing to be afraid of. Afraid of my anger... and myself... maybe I can change things. Maybe I won't hit my kids. No. I won't... I don't want to...