Wow I feel horrible for posting this, but I need somewhere to be completely honest... and I've sort of slipped back into some bulimia things, and my gosh it feel so good. I feel SO much more in control of myself and my life. I need control so badly. I give up a lesser control to addiction to a greater control over myself.
Reading over that, I know it's all crap, and people would tell me it's not true, but no one can say I didn't try, didn't go months eating 1000 calories a day, gaining weight, feeling miserable, happy, and out of control. And I make a choice between them, between being happy and eating and unhappy and not, and I choose the second because what I want most isn't happiness, it's control. Wow, it's a good thing I am not a communist leader.
Well, I'm falling apart, and I'm depressed and incredibly nostalgic and it feels so so so so so good... and I remember that door slammed in my face, and I know that I'm being stupid, but I guess you go past the point of caring, it just happens sometimes.
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"What I realized suddenly was that the true failure would have been if I hadn't given a damn. You can bandage a wound, set a broken bone, but not caring...you can't cure that and you can't recover from it."
"What I realized suddenly was that the true failure would have been if I hadn't given a damn. You can bandage a wound, set a broken bone, but not caring...you can't cure that and you can't recover from it."
About Me
- Lindsay
- Everything in my life is about to change, and I'm absolutely terrified. I breathe one instant at a time.
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