movies

Two or three years ago, I watched my first R-rated movie, Tears of the Sun. I'd seen violence before, but not like that... I watched African children get blown open with machine guns and cut open with machetes, and it was hard. I won't lie. I felt sick during it. I felt something naive in me shatter. I felt my childhood and ignorance slip away.
Yesterday I saw Hotel Rwanda, with similar results. I was angry, during it. It wasn't nearly as violent as Tears of the Sun so in that way it was easier. But it made me just as mad at the people that initiate genocide. And it made me angry at myself. When it was done, I turned to Shauna and said,
"It's so sad that to get Americans to even have one clue how close and horrible these things are you have to shock them out of their wits."
"Yeah," Shauna said, "and we watch these movies, and then we go and debate about them, like that's going to help. That's what makes me mad."
And I'm mad at myself for caring so much about myself and grades and such when things like that are happening all over the world, and I don't know nearly as much about them as I'd like to.