Josh

I've mentioned Josh before. I met him at Civitan youth seminar in Pocatello the week after school got out. I'd post a picture, but I'm not that technologically adept. Anyway, I decided (recklessly, stupidly, compulsively and not considering the consequences) to flirt with him to see if he would like me. I talked to my counselor about this, and she agrees that it was totally innocent. I am... ?neurotic? I think that's what they call it. I don't believe myself worthy of love or anything, and I sure didn't believe I was capable of making this kid like me. My counselor says I only see the bad parts of me, that there are good parts, about being pretty and smart and such, but those are still too hard for me to even consider. So it really was innocent. I didn't really know what I was doing.
Anyway, he fell in love with me, and he was perfect, sort of my dream guy, but he lives in Idaho. I fell for him too. I didn't cheat on Matt of course, but I really liked the guy. I've been IM-ing and emailing him since then.
So I invited him rafting, because my mom said I should. He'd come for a few days and stay in our trailor with us in Wyoming. Shauna has told me this is setting myself up for disaster. I like him and he likes me. But I told him he is coming as a friend, and he can't... touch me (I didn't say it exactly like that, but that was the gist of it) because I had a boyfriend. And also because I like him so much I don't know what I would do if he touched me. Shauna says I don't have control enough to not do something with him, but I think I do. I don't know. I'm worried. I don't want to cheat on Matt, but I want to have fun with Josh rafting. I'm not sure what to do. :-(