psychological philosophy

Warning: This is a bit of a rant. But it's important stuff to me... (Also this is not mean to accuse anyone of anything, it's just an observation).

I have come to the conclusion that most people are afraid of being happy. They think they are striving towards what they think of as happiness, that far-off destination, but in reality they sabotage themselves with pain and addiction in order to avoid that frightening concept- happiness. Why? I think maybe because they don't really believe in happiness as an end. They think happines can only be temporary. Maybe happiness means vulnerability. Happiness means insecurity. It could be an illusion. It could be taken away.
So misery, in its consistency, is better than happiness. Misery allows control. It allows a real sense of security. You hurt yourself and no one can hurt you. You create this miserable life and you can count on the companionship of depression in a way you'll never trust that fickle happiness.
Everyone chooses (clinical depression aside) to be depressed. Tehy choose to be addicted to unhealthy things. They choose to feel horrible. But they have convinced themselves that they are fighting, that they are trying to be happy but are incapable of it. And why? Because they fear it! Because they need the pain! Because they don't want to get their hopes up when they know that nothing that good can last! And so they do it to themselves. Some part of them is so scared of being happy that they need to keep hurting themselves. They keep relapsing and they think it is because they don't have the self-control to abstain. They're wrong. It's because, in their quasi search of happiness, they are constantly choosing to be unhappy.
Afraid of happiness? It sounds ludicrous at first. Think about it though. There is a reason you are unhappy, a reason you are incapable of fighting, and it's not becasue you're incapable; it's because some part of you buried very deeply in your subconscious has decided that the safety in misery, the control,, is better than taking a risk.
And all of that... all of those misconceptions... they can be fought. You have to understand yourself. You have to understand why you're afraid of peace and understand why you chose misery. And you have to want to be happy. Not the destination of pseudohappiness, but real happiness.
And what is real happiness? Not a destination, no. People are constantly moving, changing. This destination people are afraid of really is inconsistent, is untrustable. But it isn't happiness.
You plan for the future. YOu do everything you can today to be happy tomorrow. But what about today? NOW is the only time you are alive. Tomorrow never comes. If you don't want to be happy NOW, you will never be happy, no matter how hard you work for it. Happiness simply isn't a destination you work towards. It is a way of life that you choose. It is available to everyone (again, clinical depression aside), always, every second of every day. People only have to choose it, and everyone is capable of making that choice. Nobody has a life that can't facilitate happiness.
Frankl expressed it best in his book, in his philosophy of living in the now. You have to understand that happiness is not a place you can reach. It is a warm coat in a blizzard, and you can choose to ignore it and feel your limbs all freeze and say it is because your life is so uncontrollably miserable, or you can put it on and understand.
Events that you can't control don't need to affect your happiness chronically. Events that you do to yourself to avoid happiness can cease once you understand that you don't need them.
And you DON'T, you don't you don't you don't.
How can you be happy? You can live to be the best you can be and stop trying to be perfect. Stop focusing on destinations and focus on the journey. Understand that failure doesn't come with results; failure comes from fearing hypothetical results so much that you won't even try.
You thought misery was control. Happiness is the ULTIMATE control. You can choose your reaction to every situation. You can choose to be happy because you are living for happiness, not because it seems like a nice place you could go. You can decide to stop being reactive and be proactive- don't just let your mood be something that controls you; control your mood.
You are alive here and now, and now is the only time happiness will ever exist and the only time you will ever exist. Whatever you see on the horizon, whatever perfection you feel like you need... you'll never achieve it. Whatever it is that makes you feel helpless in depression, you are in control of it.
I begain to understand these things last year when I read Man's Search for Meaning. I began to understand how they dictate my world when I went to the seminar. I began to understand that they dictate the whole world a few nights ago when I spilled them to Josh.
People will never tell you they are not happy because they are afraid of it, but they are.
Based on results, they have exactly what they intended, conscious or not.
Your mind is an iceburg; the very tip is conscious; and you don't even use large portions of your mind at all. You have one life to understand yourself- start scuba diving.