Today... I got three math books so I can cover two years of math in my nine-week, 18-session cram course at Sylvan Learning Center to survive the SAT math II's. I decided I am running for key club president next year, which is a LOT of work, but I can do it. I'm pretty sure I'll be the only one running so I'm guarenteed to win. Only four other juniors regularly come to key club anyway.

I walked dogs with Brittany... no actually the dogs walked me... did homework... thought about my status as a lying deceiver...

SO... I am going to Idaho tomorrow to see Josh. I spend Saturday with him. I'm talking to him on instant message right now, but I just got off the phone with Charlie, and I'm going to go on some sort of date with Charlie next week. Josh knows somewhat about Charlie, but Charlie doesn't know about Josh, and... my gosh this sounds like a soap opera dripping in pathetic teenage angst. I guess I'll take things one day at a time. I've made no committment to Charlie yet.

We had a school assembly the other day, and as usual my friends and I spent the whole time making sarcastic, cynical comments about how pathetic school spirit is and how stupid the cheerleaders are. Some part of me wonders though if we are only cynical because we cannot find it in ourselves to be as involved as them and enjoy it. Maybe we resent them for caring. Do cynical, apathetic people harbor bitterness simply because they are jealous of those that are able to care and benefit from that caring? It sounds almost suspicious enough to be partially true.

So... the slog of life at a superficial level- the volunteer work, the tests, the studying for these bloody SAT's- trudges onward, as an inner life of my struggle towards happiness also continues. Something drastic had better happen to shatter this monotony.

OH I KNOW! They found out our gym is falling apart, and that if it snows more than eight inches it will sink into the ground and maybe collapse or something similarly radically cool. Start praying it snows eight inches tonight! As expensive as it would be, it would definitely be exciting if our gym collapsed. No more pep rallies!