Propanolol is my savior. I played my piano piece today for the ajudicator, and for the first time in my life my hands didn't shake; I wasn't nervous. It was so bizarre, not having the huge tremor, no painful stomach contractions. I just felt... like every time I practiced it.

Now it didn't go perfectly by any means, but man I felt a lot better than I ever have before.

Today in chem I woke from my stupor briefly to ask my teacher a quantum physics question about electrons and singularity and the different theories about what electrons are before we look at them and whether they exist in multiple places simultaneously (they do) and everyone stared at me like I was crazy. Most people think quantum mechanics are crazy, because the laws are just so different on a subatomic level than on an atomic level. Things vibrating through dimensions, not even existing, until we look at them, and then maybe not even occupying any space, and not following a path but still moving... it isn't something we can really comprhend on our level of the world.

It was sort of like they were all zombies, and they didn't care. That was what was weirdest to me. They just didn't care about quantum physics. Now THAT, more so than any quantum theory, is something I can't comprehend.