It is an odd sensation, to stand on the crumbling edge of an abyss, unable to look back and remember what it was that made you stay so far away. I feel as if the land underneath me is giving way, and I can't stop it, and once I fall in there will never be hope again.

Please remind me of why my diaphragm continues to contract, why I do not cut, why I don't overdose, why I am not running upstairs to drink all the alcohol my mom keeps for cooking... because I'm forgetting right now. I'm forgetting everything. The only place I can look is down.

I'm worried about myself. That doesn't happen very often.