movies

This past week or so has been characterized by movies. I didn't really realize how much movies affected my thoughts until this week.
The first movie I saw was High School Musical. And let me tell you, that movie is cheesy. The story, all of it... it could never happen. But the songs are all incredibly catchy, and I liked it. It was a happy movie.
Then I saw Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest. That one was hard, because it was showing me pictures of eternity that scared me, and what I am fighting off the most at the moment is eternity. It was an awesome movie, but it made me start having all those panicky feelings again. I really liked that Elizabeth fell in love with Jack though. William is just too unbelievably noble.
Next I saw Little Manhatten, which was really cute, but I really don't think it's possible to be in love at that age. I think that's what made it really cute.
Shattered Glass- the movie I saw with Olivia, Katie, and Claire on Saturday- is like a portrait of borderline personality disorder. I swear that Stephen Glass has that, if the movie is accurate. Anyway it's an awesome movie, but again depressing.
Superman bothered me a lot because it threw me into feelings of futility and eventually selfishness. Why bother? I thought. There will always be more people dying. I hate these feelings I get sometimes, but I might as well be honest about them. I thought that maybe after a point it would just get to be too much if I were him, and I might just give up. I also don't think I could be that brave. I like to believe sometimes that I could be, but when it comes down to it, I don't think that (being vulnerable) I could walk through bullets or something. Also the movie bothered me because a plane could never reach outer-space or weightlessness without blowing up. Space shuttles have really expensive heat tiles so they don't blow up when exiting the atmosphere. Planes don't. The plane would light on fire and explode before they got through the atmosphere and past gravity. I've known that since I was seven. Come one movie producers/script writers/etc.
Anyway, the movie depressed me for the next movie I saw, which I saw last night for my class: An Inconvenient Truth. I had this long fight with my parents last night about global warming and whether it's real. They don't think it is, and I think they're crazy. Wouldn't it be better to cut down on carbon emissions and see whether it was true that way by following related trends than to continue doing what we're doing and see if it's true that way by observing whether Greenland melts and covers San Fransisco in twenty feet of water? Better safe than sorry.

During the movie I was partially selfish, and angry, and scared, like with Superman, because I felt like I couldn't do anything, and maybe the world will just self-destruct and what do I care? I don't care about the generations after me, I only care about myself. Eventually, however, I defeated that feeling and realized that the world can change, but not if it's full of people thinking like I am, feeling futile. If I do my part, then I am contributing to the world. Even if it seems futile to me, it is my responsibility. I can't just give up because I feel like I have no influence. And I really do care. I care about the environment, and my children's generation, and human beings, and peace. After a while, I guess, after all the killing and hurricanes and everything awful that goes on, some part of you has to stop caring as much, or you'll die, but you still care in your heart of hearts.

One other shameful feeling to get off my chest: sometimes I get very angry. I only get angry at my mother or my dog. When I'm angry at my dog, I think about how small she is, and how extinguishable her life is. I don't think about hurting her or anything; I will never hurt anything or anyone if I can help it. But it bothers me, how angry I get. I don't want to believe I'm capable of doing something horrible. But I know I am. It's only and my mom and my dog. But it's so, so much anger.