semesters and spongebob (tragically separated)

Yesterday my mom got in the back of my car. "What's this spray can and rubber cement doing back here?" she said.
"They're some of my art supplies."
"But what's the aerosal?" she shook it up, the ball bouncing around inside.
"It fixes pastels so they don't rub off."
"You're huffing between class, aren't you Lindsay?" she said jokingly. She thought that there was absolutely no chance it was true.
"Yep, that's it," I said, pretending to be joking.
"You have a drug problem, don't you, Lindsay?" my mom smiled.
"Now you've caught me."
Interesting how I got through that whole conversation without lying once. It's also interesting how people fumble around in the dark, hitting on the truth with boxy shoulders and ringing a bell they don't want to hear, so they don't. My mom inadvertently had the most honest conversation she's had with me in months about the problems I am facing, and she didn't even know it.
Irony irony irony.
Of course I haven't gotten high since last Wednesday, so that's something.

Do you like the new background? I was getting board of the pear thing. Also, it works with all my green font which I would have been too lazy to go back and change on every post to match a new background. Also, the dark background goes with my Emerson quote: "When it's dark enough you can see the stars." You know Emerson wanted to kill himself once, after his wife died and everything got all messed up? Then he turned into a crazy transcendentalist hippie. Go figure.

It's semester test week. I have AP US history today, which I actually need to do well on. I don't have to go to school until 11:50 but I had to get up for seminary this morning. I came home and sort of fell back to sleep and had all these really scattered dreams, all of them having to do with being unprepared for something. Hopefully that is not an indication of how this history test will go. And worst of all I can't find my lucky Spongebob pajamas that I always wear to semester tests.
Speaking of those pajamas... I find it odd that I find Spongebob so comforting. I remember watching that show every day when the psych hospital was driving me crazy (I'd say that's a little counterproductive). You'd think I'd hate him, but he did get me through the worst week in my life. When all you're talking about is DID and cutting and bulimia and rape and physical abuse and all of the other crap everyone there had gone through, you're perfectly willing to laugh until you cry over a little yellow idiot that is so stupid he's hilarious. Ever since then he's had a special place in my heart.
Wow, I'm getting a little too sentimental about a cartoon here.

So my weight is weird I've decided. I lost eight pounds last week, but gained three back in the past three days... I don't know. I'm trying to eat I really am, but every time I do I feel like what little control I have is slipping away...

EDIT: I have been attempting to think more about college (and trying to figure out how to survive the SAT II math test full of trig and geometry). We're supposed to have ten places we want to go by February somethingth, but I can only think of four... but here they are: MIT, Caltech, Berkeley, BYU. I might want to make the last one one that I can actually get into, so I get into TWO colleges instead of just BYU. I don't really want to go to BYU though. I don't really want to got to Salt Lake City. I really hate Salt Lake. Also I went crazy there a few years ago. Also although I do love Mormons, I'm not sure if I could handle being surrounded by the annoying kind.
Also I really want to go to Oxford or Cambridge in England for a semester no matter where I go, but my mom says all of my plans all depend on whether my grandfather decides he actually likes me enough to give me the savings he invested for me (or maybe whether he likes us enough. All I've ever done is work hard for him).