Today I tried to make myself throw up by eating ten foot-long sticks of celery and drinking one quart of water without breathing. I felt very, very sick for a while but was unsuccessful. Oh well that's probably a good thing. But I am always on the lookout still, even though I don't intend to use the info, for new methods.

This time of year I always fall into this slump. I don't feel like doing anything. I just want to lie (lay? Which is what you do to something and which is what your body does?) at home and read. I am SO sick of school. Granted I was sick of school the second day of it, but the problem has worsened and worsened until now, when I really need to force myself to do SAT prep for just twenty minutes a day, and I find myself ignoring anything that is not life threatening or due tomorrow and reading all night.

In biology we are starting anatomy though, which is really interesting because it is my favorite part of biology. That is the only ray of sunshine in my abysmal storm. But even that has a catch- namely that in less than a month we will start dissecting cats. My friend Sam, who was going to be my lab partner, decided it was imperative that he have a complete schedule change, so now I am with this girl I don't know very well, and I don't know how to explain to her what is going to happen. I am SO SO bad at dissecting. Last year I couldn't even look at our frog. It just bothers me so much that that was once a breathing, living animal. Last year we had to scrape the skull off our frog and cut the eyes in half so we could see the brain, and I spent the whole time trying not to throw up. Sam was my partner then, and after ten minutes of argument over who had to do it we finally took the easy way out and told our teacher we "didn't understand how to do it." Why she bought that I don't know, considering you just had to drag the razorblade over the head, but we were successful because in her attempt to show us she ended up doing it herself.

Anyway, I'm not sure how I'm going to be able to handle this cat. I probably won't be able to. I won't be able to do anything and then one day when everyone least expects it I will either throw up or faint. That would be exciting. We need something interesting like that to puncture this January monotony.

THREE MONTHS UNTIL SPRING BREAK....
I can't do it.
Nearly every huge emotional breakdown I have ever had has occurred between Semester tests in January and spring break. School just becomes so tedious and unbearable...