Do you know what's weird?
The people that read this blog, this whole thing or maybe even parts of it, will know me far better than my friends do, without ever seeing my face, watching me trip, laughing at/with me, hugging me, touching me, buying me a gift, seeing me when I'm tired and in sweats, seeing me dressed up...

I guess just without having any sort of real contact with my life. And that is exactly how I set it up... this blog... because I couldn't have possibly survived when I started writing this blog with somebody close to me knowing me as well as the people that read this would. It was a safeguard. It was like Voldemort... if you split yourself in pieces no one can really kill you.

But then again there is one person who reads this blog, who knows me this well, who has seen me fall down stairs, seen me laugh so hard I cried, seen me on the verge of tears from depression, seen me so mad that I cracked out of myself... And through that (and one other person who doesn't read this much but who knows me very well) I have learned to be real with two people on the planet... only two...

I thought that everything that was real in my life was on the internet, in this blog, in these words. Over the past year I have learned that my physical reality is real too, my friends, my family, the people I see every day. I have learned that I am not whole without these pieces (even if the first still feels more real to me).

I have learned to love with BOTH of these pieces of me...

but it still feels odd, that you could know me, you who read this, without ever seeing me...