yay for good days

I had a great day today. I don't really understand why. I was tired from lack of sleep. I got an 87% on my math test (my first B in forever). I'm falling behind in all my classes and the AP tests are in three weeks. I'm not ready at all. There was a National Honors Society meeting that took up half my lunch and during the other half Siobhan made fun of me for not knowing how to knit (I've been trying to act like I do) at knitting club. I'm burned out and just want to sleep and read all day for a year.
Everything's against me. I know those are all little things, but they stack up. I could be depressed, but for some reason I'm not. I went to my tennis coach today and for the first time in my life I really quit something, truly with no excuses. I felt better. I sat in my car doing my loads of math homework (I didn't know matrices got this complicated) and I realized I don't like play tennis as a competition. I want to play it totally for fun, which I can do without the school.

Also, in chemistry today we did flame tests. I was in heaven. The bunsen burners were so beautiful, the flames turning crazy rainbow colors. Lithium is still my favorite... that stunning, deep magenta. I think I'm a bit of a pyromaniac. Fire always calms me down. I light things on fire in my sink a lot. But I'm not going to become an arsenist or anything. I just like the way flames look, and how quietly they burn.

I did binge and purge today, but hey, things go one thing at a time. I'm happy today, I'll fix the eating disorder tomorrow.

I was sitting in my car thinking about quitting and wondering whether I was pathetic because of it, and whether I'm going to fall apart and quit everything, when this Jimmy Eat World song came on on my ipod and told me everything I needed to hear:

Hey, don't write yourself off yet, it's only in your head you feel left out or
looked down on
just try your best, try everything you can.
And don't worry what they tell themselves when you're away.

[chorus] it just takes some time, little girl you're in the middle of the ride
everything (everything) will be just fine, everything (everything) will be alright (alright)

Hey, you know they're all the same
you know you're doing better on your own, so don't buy in.
Live right now, yeah just be yourself.
It doesn't matter if it's good enough for someone else.

(IT DOESN'T LINDSAY!) sorry, I still talk to myself.