I didn't think that perfection was humanly attainable. But I am no longer sure of that fact. So I'm just going to go through the whole thing, because it was SO perfect, every second of it.

As this is my blog and it is the only place I am totally honest, I will spare you no details.

So we got there Friday night at 9-ish, and all his friends were there, so I got to meet them... that was fun. Then we drove them home and our parents sat at his house and talked. This is one unperfect part. My mom apparently "felt like it was really important" that she tell Josh's parents I have bipolar. WTF?!!! Why in the world do they need to know? I asked my mom that and she's not sure, she "just felt like it." Grr...

Anyway, so we went downstairs in his basement and watched "A Walk to Remember," which is really sad but I had to go back to the hotel before the girl died so it was okay. For a little while it was really funny because his hand kept creeping onto my knee and barely touching mine so I finally opened my hand up for him and made it easy. We half talked, half watched the movie. It was so nice though, to be able to touch him after all of these months. It was hard to believe he was real. But he was... and oh my gosh he looked hot (I have to throw that shallowness in there. I am at least 5% human).
His dog kept jumping in my lap. That was funny. It was funny to see him so worried that those little things would bother me. Of course they didn't. My dog jumps in my lap and he weighs 103 pounds.
I had to be back by midnight, so we finally turned the movie off, and sat on the couch for a minute, and I thought I could have sat there forever and been happy.
So this is the difference between him and Matt:
Josh said, "Can I kiss you?" before he did it, and he waited for an answer, and I was ready in a way I wasn't that first time with Matt, and suddenly in that instant I stopped worrying so much about screwing it up (if anyone could screw up a kiss it would be me).
It was, in that instant, far better than all of the rest of the kisses in my life combined... I felt so safe with his arms around me, which is something I definitely haven't felt while kissing someone before.
He drove me to the hotel. He kissed me in the elevator until the doors opened. Like in the movie "Romeo and Juliet," the new version. I've always dreamed of being kissed in an elevator.
OH and he opened every single door for me all Friday and Saturday, ever car door, ever store door, everything, and he wouldn't let me carry anything. That's been a dream of mine too.

The next morning (I'm trying not be boring, although I doubt anyone will read all of this so it doesn't matter I suppose) I woke up at seven, took a shower etc, did my hair (which, of course, by 10:00 looked like a hurricane had hit it). He came at 8:00 with these beautiful flowers. I love getting flowers from guys even though I am a murderer of plants.
We went to breakfast at ?Smitty's? or something similar. I've been there before... in fact walking in I had the strongest memory of going there when I was... six I think I must have been... with my mother and she spent the whole time trying to get me to color outside of the lines on my menue becuase my therapist had told her it was important because my perfectionism was unhealthy (but of course coloring outside of the lines didn't cure that). Anyway I had this awesome blueberry waffle, it was so good, and I had that first pang of guilt when he paid the bill (I will never get used to people paying for everything on dates).

Then we went and played tennis for a few hours and we were all alone in this room with two courts. I sucked at first of course, from nerves and lack of practice, but I eventually got into the groove and it was really fun. Last June when I met him and I was shamelessly flirting with him even though I had a boyfriend because I'm kind of stupid like that (but oh my gosh I'm glad I did it now) when he found out I liked tennis too he said, "We'll have to play together some time!" And I thought then, that's never going to happen. The week will be over and I will never see you again. The whole time at tennis I thought about that conversation, and how impossible a day like today seemed back then when I was first falling in love with him.

We went to the mall after that. We looked at clothing stores and told each other what clothes we like, since we don't see each other that much. I love his clothes though. I love him way more than his clothes, but nice clothes is definitely a turn-on for me.
We finally found this photo booth. We had both, characteristically for me at least, left our cameras that morning. I'd had mine all out and ready to go but I pretty much forgot my name at the sight of him at the door. So you know how all the TV shows show people getting their pictures taken in those things? I've always wanted that too.
I feel kind of tacky posting this on the internet but you'll have to forgive me, they are the only pictures I really have from today, the only concrete evidence of the best day of my life. So... (needless to say I enjoyed the photo booth).

We were in Dillard's, and, also characteristic of me (it was a very characteristic day because my brain cells forgot they existed everytime I looked at him) I dropped the pictures in the middle of Dillard's in the tie section (he was trying to explain to me what an ugly tie looks like as I have this disorder where I don't think any ties are ugly, ever). So we were frantically retracing our steps around the store (how many times in my life have I retraced my steps trying to find something? It seems like if I were to graph that the day I died it would go to infinity).
Finally Josh asked one of the clerks and they said they had them and they handed the strip to Josh. I was slightly embarrassed... I mean, those pictures are awesome and I'm proud of them but this clerk didn't even know us. So I felt awkward for a moment. But her and this man were just looking at us in this odd way... like they were remembering when they were our age or something, and could have their photos taken for three dollars and totally forget there was a camera and have the photos end up like ours.

It only gets more perfect from here on out. We went to lunch at Jamba Juice (man, he knows me well... he said he went over all of our IM conversations to try to make it perfect) and we took the smoothies and we walked down by the river where the falls were frozen and the temple looked so white against the sky and the geese, like the deer where I live, were taking over the world. We got cold a bit quickly though and had to go back to the car, but he kissed me in front of the temple and (sorry if this is getting redundant but I have to remember it) my lips were numb. It was the oddest sensation ever, kissing someone with lips numb from the cold. If you haven't done that, you have to try it. When we got back to the car he picked me up and carried me to the van because I was wearing sandles and there was snow.

We went to this climbing gym then. It looked like an abandoned warehouse from the outside but it was nice inside. I haven't climbed in a long time because they got rid of the gym where I live, so it was awesome to be able to do it again. Josh is really good at those walls. It would take me five minutes to get up one and him one minute. I can use two excuses though: I'm short, and I was wearing slippery shoes.
So we switched off for a while, me climbing, him baleting (oh my gosh I have no clue how to spell that) and visa versa. It took me a few minutes to get up this one wall because it was the kind the incline that comes out towards you so you have to hang upside-down for a while trying to figure out where to put your feet next. I finally got to the top and he was bringing me down and he caught me in his arms.
I guess this doesn't sound romantic, but close your eyes and imagine being there, alone in this gym, swinging from the ceiling, caught in someone's arms. Imagine making out with someone like that. It brought making out to a whole new dimension for me. It was so perfect, all of it, the rock wall, the rope, the figure eight knot, the minute or two I spent with my eyes shut feeling like I must not be on earth anymore. It was... the most romantic thing that has ever happened to me. Somehow it was just totally me, to make out after climbing a forty foot wall (well maybe it was thirty, I don't know).
Shortly after that (we'd been climbing for an hour and a half at that point anyway) we gave up on the climbing and we took off our harnesses and we went to this back area that is like a cave and we just stayed back their for a while (you probably don't need a play by play). Anyway, I thought it was really funny because we were back there so long and the guy who worked there had seen us kissing earlier, he must have thought we were having sex or something. On that note, maybe it's a good thing I don't live in Idaho Falls with Josh because... well yeah.

Anyway, the point I'm trying (unsuccessfully) to convey is how amazing it was, and how thoughtful it was, and how much it meant to me, especially that kiss as I hung in his arms.

We left after a while, not without me turning bright red when we finally emerged from that back room (but I didn't really care what he thought). We drove to a jewelry shop and looked at rings and wedding dresses and talked about which ones were pretty. We drove to PetCo and looked at all of the animals in the store. The saddest part of the whole day was the second-hand on my watch, the way I had to see time pass when I so wanted it to stop.

We ate dinner at a Mexican restaurant, and the food was so good. It wouldn't have mattered what the food tasted like though; I was so content just to be sitting at that table holding his hand and talking.

Those last few moments in that restaurant were a bit desperate, when we knew we had to leave but didn't want to...

We drove to an empty parking lot and the whole time we sat there I just thought how perfect he is, how much I love him, how perfectly happy I would be to spend the rest of my entire life with him. I'm not sure whether we both started crying at the same time or not but the whole time I was kissing him I just never wanted to let him go... I'm sorry I'm getting all romantic and mushy here but it was so pretty... every time I opened my eyes a tiny bit I could see the sunset on the hills and the snow all around and the Christmas lights, and I just thought how perfect of a day it was, probably the best in my entire life.

I seem to be the practical one in these situations, always. When I am with a guy and we are going to be late if we don't leave, even if we do want to stay in that car forever, I am always the one that says, "We have to go." I so didn't want to say it tonight. I so wanted to stay there forever with all of that life going on around me and inside me. I wasn't in love with Matt. But I am hopelessly in love with Josh. I told my mom I don't think I'll ever find a boy more perfect for me, and my mother agreed.

When we were still in the garage his mom opened the door and it freaked me out a bit, made me paranoid, I didn't know if it was okay that he kissed me, I didn't want to screw it all up with his parents, and I was really scared but he said it was okay so I walked in the house like nothing happened.

I'll never forget those last few moments, or the entire night and day I got to spend with him. As we walked out the door he kissed me in front of my parents and his and my mother, for once in her life, did not embarrass me, but let me have that good bye.

They told me we can go up there every other month, and they'll go to the temple and I can see Josh. So two months...

Now I have to decide what in the world to do about Charlie, because I'd like to go out on a date with him or something I just can't get attached because it would be so unfair.

So. It took me an hour and a half to write this because I had to relive every moment. It was so perfect...