back on the roller coaster...

I'm really depressed right now. What the heck is so hard about taking a few pills morning and night? I get so frusterated with myself...
And so frightened at how angry I get. Hold it all in, of course, but when my dog does something wrong or something, for a fleeting instant I think it is possible that I could hurt her, though I am disgusted by that (even as I realize it I'm disgusted), and I wouldn't ever actually do it... would I? Would I?!!?!!
We picked up our schedules today... it's so hard to be going back to school. Siobhan was supposed to sleep over with JoAnna Thursday, she backed out, it made me mad too.
We went to The Green Iguana for lunch and I just sat there drinking some smoothie (I seem to have given up on these horrid numbers on the scales... nothing I can do about them but eat healthy) and gosh I was depressed. Something about school, about friends, about the way we looked shivering at that glass table with those styrofoam cups. I don't know. I don't know anything right now.