I don't know what's wrong with me tonight... I'm so worried about school that I guess everything else is coming out too... I just keep remembering...

oral sex without consent is considered rape, at least in idaho. i had that question for a long time (is it rape?) and then when i was at my leadership camp in june, they answered it. i guess a part of me believed that as long as it remained unanswered, it wasn't rape.

why does this matter so much to me? it's just one more rape. i had plenty. maybe because it was my brother. and i love him so much. maybe it just feels even worse than the rest.

ugh i need to go to bed and stop thinking. but i think tonight will be a nightmare night and i hate dreaming about sex, i never dream about it the way my friends do.