I don't understand. I feel miserable. Not like killing myself or cutting or anything, but like... angry. So angry. I don't even have a reason to be in a bad mood. Well, not an obvious one. But there are some candidates.
1. I'm so worried about school starting. Panic. I'm worried about stress. I'm making goals, goals about getting sleep doing things with organization, blocked time, but I made those goals last year and by October I was ready to die again. So I'm scared. Only good thing: I'll see Matt every day, and debate will start. Debate is what keeps me alive.
2. Some girl kissed Josh the other day. And my emotions are suddenly stuck in a blender. I love Matt, but Josh... I am so so so so so so in love with Josh. And all that he means... he is so forbidden, so out of reach...
And I so totally can't stop thinking about him, thinking about holding him, kissing him, thinking about loving him...