I try to live my life, no regrets, no wishes, but I sure do wish I could have friendships like the girls in The Sisterhood of the Travelling Pants. Somehow I'm not capable of it. Somehow I can't connect. There is no balance. I throw myself in, or I keep myself out. I can't trust I can't love I can't help I can't hurt I can't do anything.

Josh emailed me and told me he wished I would start communicating with him how I feel.

I don't know how!

I went and I drank some wine. Some wine and then some chocolate milk.

And the whole time I kept telling myself, you can't do this. You can't take out your problems with alcohol and food.

But I did it anyway.