Me and my weirdness

So I think I take myself and my life too seriously. Becuase ultimately, although it is nice to have a meaning in life and a purpose and to live according to a rigid structure that keeps things balanced, I really just want to have fun. That's why I would want a boyfriend right now... to have fun. If I french kiss some guy, it's going to be for that reason, not because I want to marry him. Relationships are suffocating... who wants to be completely bound and tied in high school? That's not what high school is about.
And nobody my age thinks about philosophy and self-actualization and reality vs. perception and crap nearly as much as I do. It could be because of my past, because I want so badly to find myself, but I think maybe I'm also just naturally weird.
So at debate I asked Brittany what she'd do if she had no inhibitions for a day and could do whatever she wanted with absolutely no mental/physical/spiritual/whatever consequences, and she said something about robbing a bank and an English prostitute, we won't get into that, but I've been thinking a lot about what I'd do, and some of them are healthy things and some of them aren't... I think it's true that when you are told NOT to do something, it makes you even more curious about it, and makes you want to do it even more... anyway, I would:
1. Get stoned/high on everything imaginable. For a few reasons. One because I've only ever been high on prescription drugs, which just make you miserable, and I want to know what marijuana and ecstasy and all those other horrible drugs I'd never do are like. Also, just to escape.
2. Get very drunk. I was drunk once, and the alcohol tasted so good, and just the mental complication of knowing I was drinking, rebelling, etc., was wonderful, and actually I really enjoyed being drunk. The guilt that came from it, and the knowledge that if I ever drink another sip of alcohol I will become instantly addicted, have led me to the truth that I can never drink any alcohol ever again, but if I had a day with no consequences, I'd do it.
3. Do everything imaginable to hurt myself. I really do think I'm a masochist and I really do LOVE pain. This is rather disturbing but I'd probably do some horrible things to myself just for the pain... And I am fascinated with human biology. I don't want to think about what I'd do.
4. Jump off a really high building... just because I don't think anything is ever as focused as those few instants when you are falling- everything seems to be sharp and clear and make sense.
5. Have sex. Partly the same old masochism, but partly to see if it's any different now that I'm older, if I want it, if I completely know exactly what I'm getting into and consent to it. I'd have sex with someone I know well and love... maybe my brother again actually as weird as that sounds, maybe my friend Sam. Just to feel... completely safe, and free of those pathetic sexual lusts that really scare me off.
Anyway now you know how weird I am.