Scared crapless and sincerely yours...

Well the tournament starts in two hours and I'm beginning to get very nervous. I had a session with my therapist today, and we talked about my cutting/eating mentalities, and about how my conditioned response to both success and failure is to cut, and that we need to "rewire" those responses in me so I can allow myself to be happy and be proud. We also talked about how pain has become a substitute for pleasure in my life, and doing things like cutting and throwing up don't give me control, but like I said are still allowing that control to be taken away.
I feel really good, kind of like when you're really sick, and you throw up all the bad stuff in your stomach, and then feel a lot better. I threw up a lot of bad stuff to Terry, and I think we're going to be able to work through it. I think I'll learn to be happy and healthy some day.
I was driving and looking at all the people and how they'd probably think I'm messed up because I'm in counseling, and how if you look at people's emotional lives, most people could use counseling. I probably in that respect am far more healthy than the general masses.
I'm worried about not having self-confidence tonight, but like Amanda said, all I have to do is believe, and believe in myself, and I could be unbeatable. I can do this all I have to do is believe I can do it with every part of me.
Well I have got to go finish getting ready, but I remain scared crapless and sincerely yours.