My first two rounds went very well, but then my third round I was really out of it and essentially did a horrible, embarrassing horrible job. I ran out of time during one of my speeches without discussing half my case (which I've never done before). Yeah, it was bad. I was very spaced out and for some unintelligible reason I was convinced time wouldn't really run out. I don't know what the heck I was thinking.
Anyway, this is the first time I've failed, and felt disappointed, and known that I didn't do my best. I've always been disappointed and had a hard time coping with losing, but this time it's even worse because it's so frusterating. I know I could have one my last round if I did my best. But I didn't.
So I feel like cutting. Of course I do. But I'm trying very hard not to, struggling mightily. Brittany and I called Amanda/Shea after our last round tonight, and I talked to Amanda for like twenty seconds, which was helpful. But I still feel so discouraged. I need to get this out of my system so I can go get some sleep and do well tomorrow.
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