CRAPPY day.

I was depressed all day for some reason. Tonight my puppy peed on our couch because my dad hadn't picked her up yet and I'd just gone downstairs, and my mother yelled at me, and I yelled back. Once upon a time that would have meant getting hit. Now it just means getting grounded.

I finally cried about Matt today.

After the orchestra concert I went to ice cream with some friends (Mallory, Josh, Kara, Matt, Jill, Shauna, Ellie). Matt, who I still love, and miss so much, was drooling over my friend Mallory the whole time.

Don't tell me that doesn't hurt like hell.

Then I remembered I was grounded and came home and got yelled at some more for going to ice cream even though I was grounded.

I drove home with the heat in the car on really high and the music on really loud... songs I could cry to...

It still hurts so badly to look at him. I wish so much that I didn't have to break up with him. I still love him. I think he still loves me, too, even if he thinks Mallory is hot.

I think I will just go out with Josh P., from Idaho, who I have always loved more than Matt.

It sucks that relationships, that come with so much love, usually end in hurt. I felt like something was clawing out my chest tonight.