I am exhausted and planning on going to bed very soon... but I thought I would write something, as I never seem to write in my notebook journal anymore, so I need to keep track of things somehow.

Today I went to Missoula for this all-state orchestra rehearsal. It was fun. The best part was there were only two bass players there, me and this really hot, nice guy from Ennis. That made the trip worth while. :-)

Also, my English teacher, at the bottom of my essay, wrote, "Are you familiar with the writings of Ayn Rand? There are essay contests that award substantial scholarships. See me if interested." I thought it was rather sad that my essay was so objectivist that he immediately thought of Ayn Rand. Also, reading over it upon return, I am amazed at how much my opinions have changed just since a month ago when I wrote it. I totally don't agree with it now. Except when I'm writing it. I guess I have this thing, in debate mainly, where I totally believe whatever side I am debating, and when I am not debating, I am somewhere in the middle, which is good I guess for debate.

The world is so dramatic. My friends. I wish I could help them, a lot of them are very depressed. High school seems to do that to people. But I don't know what I can do except be there to talk to them. The most important people to me are the ones that have been there to talk with me.

One more thing about my counseling session I didn't mention... we talked about how unbelievable it was that my mom could just STOP hitting me, that it wasn't a really hard, long process. My counselor can't figure it out and neither can I. The only thing I can think of is if she internalized the abuse like I did, but I really don't think she did that, she's the type to project emotion, not internalize it. So I don't know. Maybe it's all still there inside of her, waiting. My counselor said she's never seen a person who has been abusive that long (probably like 30 years for my mother) just stop all of a sudden. It doesn't make any sense at all.

Well, off to bed...