Monday, October 03, 2005

medication

I think I'm going to stop taking my pills. Now before you all start telling me how stupid that is, I do have a reason.
They warned me the pills might take away my creativity, my imagination, the abstract world I'd created for myself. I used to write, write all day every day, short stories, books, letters to God... and man I was good at it. I'm starting to work on trying to get some of those books published.

I WANT THAT BACK. I feel so hollow without it. Sure, I'm happy. But what about the rest of it? What about my writing? What about the beautiful way I saw the world? If it comes to a choice, between happiness and art, how can I not choose art? And it seems to have come to this choice. I really don't know what to do. I know that without the pills, I'll lose this calm control I've gained over my life and everything will spin out of control again. But to be able to write... I miss it so much, I miss it...

I think there's only one way. I think I have to stop taking them.
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1 comment:

Anonymous said...

I agree with Shea. But let me say this: I KNOW WHAT YOU MEAN. Being a writer myself -- even paid a meager wage to do it for a living -- I know there's no doubt the SSRIs have taken away my part of my passion for writing. I used to write free verse poems constantly, not anymore.

I can't tell you what to do here, but if you ever want another perspective feel free to ask. Sometimes I wish I could have those surges of emotion that were so helpful in writing. But then again, my emotion surges now make me want to slit my wrists, so not so good.

10/03/2005 5:57 PM

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