Philosophy is contradiction. Philosophers demand people to question reality and society, and also condemn uniformity. Yet the result of questioning things, if there is an ultimate truth out there, can only be just another kind of uniformity.

I was thinking about Socrates today and the Oracle at Delphi (I don't know how you spell that), and how it said he was the wisest man alive. I reckon that if I was Socrates and someone said that to me I wouldn't be sure if there was much worth living for. How horrible it would be to know that despite all your confusions and doubts there is no existing embodiment of the truth that you seek, no person to answer your questions. It would mean that the way you think, the questions you ask, actually have no answers in the end, or no answers achievable by humanity. Point being I hope nobody ever tells me I'm the wisest person alive (although I doubt there's even a remote chance of that).

There's only one way to describe how I have felt lately. Sometimes when it is freezing and snowing and foggy outside, and the sky and the earth are the same deadened shade of gray, and I am driving in my car at night wearing mittens and a coat with the heat turned up all the way and the radio turned off I feel like this. In those moments it is as if all that reality truly consists of is that isolated cube of hot air in the car, and that all progress can only be made in that small sphere. I can look at the world through the windows and see things in close proximity closely and with more clarity than ever before. I can begin to question and disect the things I have always just assumed. But it is an incredibly lonely feeling, and a helpless feeling in the way, to know I will never affect the cold unfeeling world outside of the car, to know that someday the heat will break and the gas will run out and the two worlds will merge.
That's a rather extended analogy, but I don't know how else to describe this feeling.

I hope that everyone at some point hits this wall and realizes they no longer have anything to believe in. What is truth, anyway? It is a projection of our own doubts. I've been thinking a lot about philosophy and it truly is hypocritical unless Nietzche (and maybe Russeau(sp), I can't remember who else) is right in that the only reality is that that your create yourself. But then again if that is true, then Neitzsche's philosophy is rather meaningless too.

It all feels so hopeless. Things seem to be disintegrating around me. Assumptions are so safe and doubt is so numbing. I hope that I can find something to believe in.

I believe in
Love
Life for everyone
The essential good of man
The individualism of morality
Some form of God

I don't know what else at the moment.