This needs to be brief, as sleep has become a commodity in my life that I cannot afford anymore. I got three hours of sleep last night, and will probably get about the same tonight. I can function okay on it, but it's really hard to wake up in the morning. That first hour I'm so dead to the world. Which means I sleep through my church class. Which is not good or respectful.
Outline of current events:
1. I hate those word recognition things because they make them so hard to discern. The letters blur into each other and it's hard to tell what letter's what, so it doesn't seem like it would help identify if no one can read them accurately. That's not really a current event but...
2. I've been talking to Shauna a lot. She wrote me a letter. She's such an amazing person... I wish everyone on the earth could know her. She's really mad at Matt and so am I, so we talked about it a lot.
3. Matt wrote me a letter saying he still cares and loves me blah blah blah. Shauna told me he somehow found out I know about what happened, so I keep waiting and expecting him to bring it up, to face it. Then I realized that would mean him not being a coward for once and caring about someone other than himself, which I am not sure is realistic to expect of him lately.
4. I wrote him a letter which I will give him tomorrow forcing him to confront the issue. I told him how mad I am and how hurt I was towards the end of our relationship and how he was using me and I feel like an object etc. It's a very honest letter and I feel better having written it.
5. I have decided to perhaps go out with one of Matt's best friends. I don't want to do this if it's immoral, but I think that at this point it is okay, and if it hurts Matt then that's just rather stupid because he keeps going after my good friends. It's not about revenge. I really like this kid. I've been thinking about him a long time but I am just beginning to make a decision. Plus I won't try to hide it from Matt.
6. School has become insane. My English grade is now floundering somewhere in Hell (yes, it has dropped that low). By that I mean I have no clue what I have because our teacher NEVER passes back assignments so we really can't control our grades and we feel helpless and I could rant about that for a while but I won't. But I have been doing badly on all of these reading quizes, because they are detailed almost to the extent of being ridiculous (like 'what was the third word of the sixth line of the second paragraph on page 20?'- not quite that bad but akin to that). I have to somehow redeem it. I will write an extra credit essay on Walden but I'm not sure how many points that will buy me. My last extra credit essay, on Middlesex, I slaved away on (okay a bit of an exaggeration) and he only gave me a measley nine points.
7. I have a 92% in money management, which is dangerously close to a B and would be a B in most of my classes. How pathetic is that? It's a vocational. It's supposed to be so easy. But it's freaking hard! I actually have to pay attention or I get screwed over. I feel deprived of a study hall. And I know absolutely nothing about banking and taxes and everything we've been studying, paychecks and W2's and W4's (well I know about that stuff now that we've learned it, but I didn't) because I am somehow incredibly naive about money matters. AHH it sucks.
8. So I work harder. I stay up until 3 in the morning every night studying and doing homework. I am not, after two years of hard work, going to let my valadictorian opportunity fall because of money management and some stupid English quizzes.

9. COLLEGE... Been thinking about it, talking about it... it's kind of this frightening thing looming in the future that I struggle to ignore. I think it will be nice getting out of this house, and I think my relationship with my parents will improve. But as to living on my own with my own finances and my own life... when I don't even know what payroll taxes are (or I didn't) how am I going to survive?