Guilt and ethics

Yesterday I took one of my mother's glasses and threw it in the bathtub, picking up the pieces and shattering them over and over again. I wasn't mad; I don't know what I was. It was so uncharacteristic of me, that destruction, that it frightened me.
I'm back to myself again. The high is over, the drugs are out of my system. But it's not over. Not really.
I climbed into my mom's bed last night. "I'm sorry," I said, "for everything." I don't know how to say it any differently.
Mostly I feel guilty because of my religion. I truly do believe in my religion. I hated God a long time, for letting me live, for letting me be the idiosyncrasy, the one that couldn't handle what was given to her. I've come to terms with that. Now I just feel incessently guilty, guilt black and dark and impenetrable, because looking back, I did everything wrong. It was all a choice, and I've never been daring enough to believe God wasn't just or fair. I don't know what I deserve. I'm scared of what I deserve. But I do love God and I know he loves me and I know maybe someday I can forgive myself, and as soon as I stop what I'm doing, God will forgive me.

So here's a question... the government is beginning this test where it actually prescribes heroin addicts heroin in hopes that they will be able to stop dealing drugs and being prostitutes and stuff to pay for the habit and get themselves help. I read this in TIME magazine. My father says they've been doing this in Europe for a while. The question is this: is it ethical? There are a lot of ethics involved, like how a government is breaking its own laws, and how some drug abusers are still prosecuted while others, simply because they're participating in an experiment, get off free. But maybe it will work? I don't know. I don't think it's ethical.