My mom told me today that I'm just "not good enough at the piano to get a good score at district festival". Nothing's made me as mad as that made me in quite a while. First of all, I don't think it's ever fair to tell someone they're not good enough, and that something is impossible because of that. I told my mom this, and she said, "Well you've always known me to be honest". Which brings me to my second point: sometimes what you think isn't true, and it's not fair to tell someone it is when it may not be.
I guess the reason all these feelings and tears and anger are welling up inside of me is it's not just about piano, it's about forever. My mom has always supported me, yes, but she's also always been whispering in my ear that I'm not good enough, don't work hard enough, am not smart enough to do great things. And I believed her for so long. All I wanted was to be good enough. Now I know that the things she told me weren't true, and that I always was good enough, as a human being, and in everything that I did. I have not met anyone as hard-working as me.
And despite all of my mother's discouraging words over the years and several emotional breakdowns, I believe that I am capable of absolutely anything if I set my mind to it. I will never be "not good enough". This doesn't exist for me. If I set a goal, I will reach it. I set a goal to be in calculus. Here I am. I set a goal to be happy and love myself. Here I am. And if I work hard enough, I know without a doubt I am very capable of getting a good score at district music festival. I'm sick of my mom's crap. I'm sick of her tearing me down and making me think things are impossible. With that attitude, the attitude that I've already lost even before I've tried, I will never get a high score. Only my mother's words taken to heart can possibly make them true. But I know I'm better than that.
And I'm sick of allowing people to tell me I'm not good enough. I'm not going to allow it anymore. I am good enough for anything.
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You're doing well I see. (Probably a lot better than me :p, haha, I must apologize to be as presumptious to give you advice when my own life isn't quite in order, but eh.)
So you're a beautiful girl and you're heading in the right direction. The bit about the setting goals things is impressive but, at the same time, remember to be careful about the motives behind doing so. (Not that you are) but remember not to do things just to prove people wrong. I hope that you are doing everything you do for yourself. If people happen to be proved wrong as a side effect, then all the better.
You certainly can be proud of yourself, though. I am (as much as I can be for kindred stranger).
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