My life is made of all of the most confusing things in the world...
My mom is being a jerk again today. I'm not sure what's going on with her. It's hard to deal with someone who is continually screaming.
She says she's exhausted, as she has to take care of my aunt all the time (who is slowly recovering from brain trauma).
And I know they go to a lot of places during the day, but all they do all night every night is watch television. I think it's exhausting because they talk about my aunt's husband 24-7, which is extremely obsessive, but then again we all have OCD don't we? All of us?
Too many mentally ill people in one house, one family... it's so suffocating. It means obsessions dripping off of everything, it means getting yelled at all the time, it means pain, it means people attempting suicide and talking about dying and abusing drugs... It means all the things I want to run away from and not face.
I would love to hate my mom. She's being horrid (but she's not that bad I swear), screaming at me all the time, screaming how she just got home from work and now she has to take care of the dog (which she just took from me, I was holding her in my lap). I feel my stomach squeezing (I lost a pound yesterday).
What would it feel like, to stand there in the kitchen, and say, calm and cold as ice, f*ck you?
Instead I only hate myself.
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1 comment:
Oh man, I relate. I relate. I don't want to diss your mom -- she is your mom, after all -- but she's got issues. Big issues. Big problems. I hope you find a way of distinguishing her issues/problems from you, b/c you are not responsible for her crazy actions. She is responsible for her own actions.
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