I can't sleep. Every time I close my eyes I start remembering and then I start crying again. I must go ask for a xanax. I want to go drink the vanilla in our spice cabinet. My father said it's nearly pure alcohol. Anything to make this go away.
I haven't cut yet.
I talked to my boyfriend tonight about sex and how I can't do it because of my past... he said that was hard but more importantly he wanted me to be happy. It was a distraction... but when I came home everything just hit me again.
I need something to knock me out.
2 comments:
I saw your comment on Carolyn's site (The Ginger Quill) and thought I should visit you.
I feel your pain about your puppy. She is beautiful in that picture. I had a 3 month old puppy for one week and she died in a tragic accident. I can't describe how bad I felt and responsible. I still feel terrible.
I made a little memory box holding her collar, her chew toy, her bandana, and a few pictures of her.
I don't know why terrible things happen, but they do, and we have to go on and live our lives as best as we can.
Please don't hurt yourself. It won't help. Be strong. Visit the animal shelter and find another pet that needs you. Too many innocent creatures are euthanized every day just because they don't have homes. Save a life and it will give you a reason to live and a reason to be strong.
If you want to visit my sites, I have two - one is purely about dogs and if you scroll down a bit you will find the story of Bijou.
http://thedogpack.blogspot.com
http://birddogblog.blogspot.com
Please don't harm yourself.
Hi Lindsay,
I'm glad to hear you are fighting that awful urge! We are all out here for you. A little time, and another puppy will work wonders, trust me. Meanwhile, just write about your hurts because that is great therapy. Sounds like you've had quite the battle anyway and you want to win it. That is a winning step in itself. Take good care and come back see me at my blog anytime ok? I'll be back :)
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