falling

How will I sleep tonight, with everything happening, with all these nightmares pounding in my head, with something severed I can't find and don't know how to fix anyway... how will I ever sleep again the way I did last night like a brick trying so hard to escape from the world. I can't stop thinking about everything...
I tried watching Finding Nemo, and I couldn't even laugh at Dory, it just made me hurt I forgot how badly things can hurt... these things happen, and they're not really what happened so long ago, but they feel like they are, your mind can't tell the difference after a while, and everything from back then starts creeping from the past into the now, where it can be real, where it can eat you alive.

Oh gosh I think I feel suicidal it's been so long since I felt like this I even took the pills this morning I just kept edging away from everyone I think that if you touched me right now I would become something unspeakable something that cannot be allowed in a world like this, no matter how horrible things are when you go to sleep at night. At least you can sleep. I'll sit here and I don't know what I'll do I need to escape I'm being devoured. I need someone with me and I'm all alone and the only people that understand are separated from me by an unbreakable film. That's good I hope it protects them from the horror I create.