I'm tired and should be doing AP history, so hopefully this will be short...
I'm actually apprehensive about this date tomorrow. I really like the kid; he's a lot like Matt, actually, brilliant like Matt. And he has red hair like Matt. Maybe I'm attracted to brilliant boys with red hair.
It feels weird to be back to square one again. Worrying constantly about whether I'll look my best, or whether I'll say all the right things, and what he thinks about me... It feels weird to be back on that first date when anything is possible and everything is on the line.
I feel too tired to be going out with someone else. I don't understand myself. I'm perfectly happy being alone. I'm probably more antisocial naturally than social, although when I'm unimpeded and feeling like I'm totally myself, I like being with people. But I'm totally comfortable with solitude. I'm not sure why I'm already jumping back into the dating world. It feels so soon. I don't know. I keep telling myself it's a date. I'm not committing to anything. It's just coffee and good conversation.
And I do like him a lot.
ARGH I don't know. I remember when I was twelve and I went out with Christian (he's still my friend... he wasn't for a year after we broke up though), and I thought I was so grown up, to be holding his hand and having him walk me to the bus... Oh gosh I was so stupid to not realize it gets so much more complicated from there, and that seventh grade relationship hardly really counts...
And before that, even, when I was convinced no one would ever love me or date me or think I was pretty... I suppose it's a good thing I was wrong, but it's weird to remember.
Anyway, wish me luck tomorrow morning that I don't make an idiot of myself. I still remember that first date with Matt when I very nearly ran into a pole.
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1 comment:
Good luck! Have a blast.
And I know you won't make an idiot out of yourself.
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